its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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