Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
