So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
