you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
