i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
