I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
