My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
