He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
