I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
