I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
