When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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