I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
