TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
