I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
