I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
