Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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