Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need to sanitize my soul.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
