Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
