No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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