I am spending my child support on dildos
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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