I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
be right there i have to get my cape
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
