So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
