i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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