Don't make out with my wife yet
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
