So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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