just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
