We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
