I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
