today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
COCAINE IS GR8
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
