Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you had me at cake vodka
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
