If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
