oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
