she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
