i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
