Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
