If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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