guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
