school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
