I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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