tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think pants incapable of making pants work
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
