Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
