dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Farmville is her only friend.
vagina is talking i cant
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
