I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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