The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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