dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
