went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
