Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
