We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
