Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
