I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
