There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
