Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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